RELATIONSHIP LOVE: Easy Starting - Difficult Keeping, by Reginald A. Craig

RELATIONSHIP LOVE: Easy Starting - Difficult Keeping, by Reginald A. Craig

They say you don’t miss what you never had, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t want for it!

WAITING FOR THE FIRST KISS:

Deny at all cost. Sabotage with insults and spitballs. Nobody can even be allowed to conjure up the idea that me and a 3rd grade classmate would ever be sitting in a tree… Well folks, back in those days it was total embarrassment for anyone to assume that I would have a girlfriend. As a kid all I really wanted to do was play with my joystick and dribble a ball, Atari joystick that is ; )

The next school year girls weren’t as scary to me but I was still afraid to befriend one particular classmate who at the time might have been the ideal first “Girl Friend”. Her name was Melissa and she was a very bright student. My trouble however was not with her, but with a kid named Michael. He was the class bully and often tormented me. I could’t afford any additional attention being drawn to me so I stayed in survival mode. I needed to remain clear under the radar to avoid this clown from picking on me and being made fun of. I was so overwhelmed with panic that as a result my grades suffered and I was left behind to repeat the 4th grade. Needless to say, Melissa moved on and consequently throughout my adolescence no relationship would again be so available but yet so distant.

 

Later on in my in my schooling I toughened up a little bit and was somewhat confident.  I’ve always been loyal throughout my life and in retrospect sometimes to a fault. In Junior High I had an associate who claimed he was dating a student we were mutual friends with. The young lady in question often showed interest in me but I’d detract from any misleading gestures to avoid possible conflict. The dude I was respecting wasn’t really someone I’d hang out with, but I didn’t want any trouble either. Truth is I probably really wasn’t ready anyway, because as an eighth grader I still was a computer geek and my time on the weekends were mostly occupied mowing lawns with my older brother.

High School wasn’t any different. In my senior year I’d finally go on one date with an underclassmen but her mother wasn’t encouraging any future outings. We were to attend the State Fair but it became obvious her excuses were only messages delivered for her mom. After nearly completing grade school all of a sudden I’m too mature for my peers.

TAKE LOVE BY THE HAND AND RUN WITH IT:

Higher education was an opportunity for a fresh start and a new perspective on life. I knew attending Business Trade School in a totally different community would be a reboot for me. My objective was to be forward thinking and to radiate confidence. I also put in my back pocket a mental note that if a relationship becomes of this new venture that I was going to totally embrace it. Ironically class started on my 19th Birthday, and as it turned out I would indeed introduce myself to my then future wife (Paj Lug; native Hmong spelling, meaning proverbs in poetry).

It’s now been 24 years since that day, of which married for 21 of them. Meeting Paj Lug was the best gift I could have ever been given. Just being open to the possibility of a social connection without reserve allowed meeting my wife to be a breeze. The only work vital to nurturing the relationship is to be consistent with improvements in sensitivity and making the extra effort to truly understand both of our needs. I wholeheartedly acknowledge that our happiness and accomplishments together deserves much credit to my beautiful wife.

KEEPING THE BAND TOGETHER:

First thing I’d recommend is if the foundation of your relationship is built on trust and love, by all means propose. However, put more emphasis into preparing for marriage than planning for a wedding. Start by having conversations that invites understanding and establishes respect for each others faith, families, finances and fears. Educate one another of your ethnic backgrounds and the culture that you’re most comfortable living. Voice expectations and set goals, but have flexibility because selflessness usually grows the longer you’re in love. Undoubtably once married you have entered into a union where success is best when supporting each other. 

SUGGESTIONS FOR MARRIAGE STRENGTH:

• Value your spouse thoughts as you would your own

• Live and breathe the language of marriage, your persona must be unambiguous at all times

• Compliment often, practice patience, forgive and never bad mouth your wife or husband name

• Make the banking business be an open book where purchases are planned together

• Keep destructive tools away from the marriage that might tempt living a double life

• Remove mobile device / smart phone out of the bed and off the dinner table

• Embrace natural physical changes with age and appreciate the wisdom maturity brings

No matter how giving of your time and complex negotiating may get, your spouse deserves your best contribution. Make yourself accountable and never forsake the promises of your vows. Love and Trust are indeed the cornerstone of marriage, but forgiveness permits improvement. Often when people are left to their own devices they are vulnerable and fragile enough to jeopardize fulfilling the commitment made to each other. The mind will rationalize wrong when a voice of reason is missing. Continue communicating together to become the subconscious. When genuine intentions are feeding your actions, the marriage will take the shape of quality you invest.

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

Your better half is a whole person with feelings just like you. Keep your marriage hydrated and bask in the sun. The grass will never be greener elsewhere.

 

PS… Look below to find my previous Blog post:

Lincoln Love: A True Story Experienced

Food Love: Learned Experimented

Music Love: Listened Enjoyed

Parenting Love: Meaningfully Communicated

Vehicle Love: Desired Admired

Finance Love: Forever Indebted

Conspiracy Love: Intriguing Entertainment

Standard Love: Automatically Cool

Property Love: Obtainable Sustainable

                                                  Mark VI Love: 1st Year Review