PARENTING LOVE: Meaningfully Communicated And Written by Reginald A. Craig

PARENTING LOVE: Meaningfully Communicated And Written by Reginald A. Craig

Ahhhh!!!! So you remember vividly, you know… the birth of your bundle of joy : ) You and your spouse planned everything out so well and maybe even ambitious enough to start a college fund. But there’s a whole lot that comes in between birthday and graduation.  As a matter of fact some of the biggest challenges will test your marriage before your child steps first foot into kindergarten. No worries though, if you take a moment to read my blog you'll be relieved to know joy is always at the forefront.

 

The old way of raising children is long gone. Instructing a child to “do as I say and not as I do” are unrealistic expectations. Kids today ask questions, and if you’re not there to answer them the internet will. Society is standing by to raise your children if you don’t effectively learn to communicate together. I’m encouraging a relationship that grows and complements the needs you’ll both have with age. The opportunity to share wisdom, experiences and be there to support successes and failures is the kind of parenting I’m advocating here. Yesteryears parenting approach demanded respect and obedience. Tough love was the way of many Baby Boomers. But I’m a proud Gen Xer who managed to raise two wonderful children together with my wife without using threats or physical punishment. I modeled much of my technique from the seasoned and mature version of my parents. During my childhood they never spanked or grounded me. However, there was this one time I was startled with a swift pat on the butt for standing on the couch while peeking through the curtains. Ooooooooh!

~My Parenting Love Blog is primarily about improving communication with your growing child~

 

BABY HOMECOMING:

• For the first several weeks observe new mother for potential signs of Postpartum Depression.
• Help with sterilizing bottles and changing diapers.
• Keep eyes and ears open where your assistance is needed and appreciated.
• Shop for the household needs and run various errands.
• Accompany mother and newborn to as many pediatrician visits as possible.
• Gently entertain baby with friendly voice and aid ambidextrous movements.
• Pray for the willpower to become the parent your family needs with success beyond yourself.
• Continue advancing your parenting participation as the child grows by reading stories, art, etc.
• Eat with a health continence to stay fit for all the demanding task parenting has ahead.

Every milestone is a miniature graduation for parents and child.

You’ll see… just wait until they can brush their own teeth : )

DAD HAS TURBO LAG:

A fathers role in parenting becomes more defined as time goes on. Initially we’re more like a helper, then eventually we develop into the invaluable contributor that we’re meant to be. But the mothers role is immediate and often nurturing can’t delay for her readiness. Traditional intact families has the highest chances for success by sharing responsibilities that reduces pressure on one singular parent. Most tension between new parents usually happens sometime between the child’s birth and just shy of dad’s defining role. Usually if a marriage can withstand this period the fathers shine is more apparent when the children begin attending school. But unfortunately many struggling relationships ends in divorce before dad finds himself, thus a mothers declaration to do bad all by herself increases the risk of the child’s wellbeing.

What you have to contribute to your child’s life is substantial.

With both parents there your household is stronger and can double the experience and exposure of what success can be.

 

SET THE FOUNDATION:

For a more harmonious family I recommend establishing a baseline form of communication in your household. It is of the upmost importance to greet each member and guest daily with Good Morning - Afternoon - Evening or Night, and always follow through with politely saying their first name. This is respectful and sets the tone for further conversation. I too suggest employing a similar sentiment as your salutation when speaking on the phone, maybe even add an “I Love You” if the relationship is close. It’s a way to keep ourselves in check, because It would be real hypocritical of you to show respect one moment and then seconds later to treat the same loved one like trash. Think about it!

Encourage your children to save money and set budgets for seasonal shopping dates with them. By doing this it teaches your child to prioritize their wants and needs, and reduces impulse buying. This arrangement helps greatly to eliminate the breakdown in the grocery store toy aisle. Also this allows parents to shop with their children to purchase gifts for their friends and relatives without your children begging to buy something too. But remember you must live up to your promise date and be consistent.

Spend some time with your family outdoors. Make friends with the neighbors and connect your kids with their young cousins too. Play along and introduce them to the basic fundamentals of sports. Pick a sunny day to go biking together on a ride through nature trails. Build playscape equipment for the children and have them help along the assembly. Eventually the kids will use their imagination and create play all on their own. What’s most important is to expose them to as many possibilities through out their formative years.

 

Well, that’s all the light and fluffy writing I have for a bit. Early parenting is mostly natural instinct and pretty straight forward, that is until Junior High.  Muah-Ha haaaa!!! 

INTERNET CHALLENGING DEVELOPMENT:

Please help your children understand and unpack the wealth of information they have access to via the internet. Parents were once the portal to all things for children and the child needed parent permission and involvement to do and go just about anywhere. Today children have much of the same access to resources anytime or anyways like adults, including currency. Adult involvement is circumvented by minors so efficiently that even the physical size of us isn't imposing to children anymore, kids eat bionic foods or something these days that catapults their growth.

Social status and Games are a huge part of a kids reputation and new shoes too. We as parents must take under consideration how important this is to them. Kids value music and youtube content much like we do our Job Titles. Us adults have symbols of wealth that speaks volumes of our success, but the kids today only have digital media. Because the online community is 24/7 across all time zones, there isn’t a define time to shut it off. The online games keeps youth up from going to bed but the activity is so (additive) imbedded in their personality that the play can’t stop, it just needs to be managed better. Kids somehow need to discover the value of sleep. If so they might be rested enough to start the school day on time. Who knows, much of what they do online today might very well become their lucrative future careers.

Smart devices intended as educational tools for kids are being misused as high-tech pacifiers. Eat dinner together and leave the iPhone and Tablet away from the table.

ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES:

Even though the subject in this particular paragraph is not my area of experience, I have engaged with parents who have. The Subject I’m speaking of is children physically fighting with peers. Parents please practice every mind calming technique to handle and help identify what frustrations the child might be under. Either reality will sink in for the youth or circumstances may worsen if denial of the behavior. Keep it cool through the ups and downs, there will be many. However as long as you identify your child’s progress no matter how small, a correction is in the works. Also this is one of those moments where his or her mental wellness will boost during the physical recovery being reassured you still love them. I’m not suggesting snuggle buddies here, of course you don't want to send mixed messages that you condone the behavior. What’s important is that they’ll recognize through your support and dedication that the relationship was never in danger. Remember a youths persona is just a shield to protect their insecurities. Youth act out (fight) as a call for help and sometimes just to get a rise from their parent; much like a heat check. Don’t come out of character and demand an immediate correction, remember progress takes time. We as parents must stay consistent and stable examples through actions and best use of our words. They will some day become as you raise them when they feel safe and more comfortable in their own skin.

Try to avoid public embarrassment of your child. Don’t worry how the child might embarrass you. Rest assured most passerby’s who are parents will understand but others may judge. You have to pick and choose your battles. Don’t press on everything, some issues are just a phase and not worth dwelling over. Also don't discuss discipline strategies or behavioral issues out loud. When possible children should never know when they are actively being discussed. Have a meeting with your spouse privately so you both can be on the same page when time to address the situation with your child. It’s important not to bring up past resolved moments of disappointment, forgive and move on. However It’s okay if the child want to initiate the subject, but if parents don't engage properly the conversation potentially may resurrect undesirable behavior, especially if your child’s apology wasn't straight up in the first place. Some kids use sideways approaches to confess their wrong doings, but again it will be small day by day growth becoming accountable. Remember your child doesn’t want you to blow their cover of the status they’re building. Youth are constantly on guard to avoid getting embarrassed by what Mom might say, because image is everything. Your behaviors must compliment each other’s personalities so trust can be established that you won’t haphazardly embarrass his or her young ego in public or around their friends. When this works out smoothly your child will show in creative ways appreciation and to assure you they actually do love you.

((( Seek professional counseling if difficulties seem to worsen despite your best intentions. )))

Lets show our kids how to be helpers.

Your children are probably Tweens about now and ready for more independence.

We need to teach them some basic skills so they can build a sense of pride.

 

CHECKMATE:

Parenting is a never ending game of chess. The players know each other far too well. Youth move quicker, but adults have one major advantage we must always keep in mind. It is a scientific fact that the adult brain is more sophisticated than a minor. Thus the reason during anger children say things they really don’t mean, i.e., “Hate”. We do have the bigger responsibility not to overreact. We need to decode and translate the attitude in their language, but only in our head before we respond. Parents will regret making thoughtless threats or promises they can’t keep, or even want to go through. Often a knee-jerk punishment for the child often becomes a punishment for the whole family.

You can ask your child any question you want at anytime but don’t push it, you only get one sentence, two at best before their body language becomes less desired. Also, don’t expect an answer you’d be pleased with or any response at all, even though you deserve a coherent response at least out of respect. Please be the strong one and use patience for the best sustainable results, plus it will show a good example too. Remember our restraint is more developed than a child that has to learn. I found that I received more progress in my child’s relationship long term when I gave more than they knew how to. It’s not easy because us parents know our sacrifices alone should grant respect, but not these days. Today, respect is a byproduct after many years of leading by example and more valued than secularism. It used to be the new generation conformed to the laws and structure that was previously established, but now the world confirms to the youth. I believe much has to do with kids becoming the driving consumer and companies exploiting minors by positioning them as the focal point. No tradition is safe from erosion because kids lack interest due to the hypnotic effects from uncensored material kids are being entertained and brainwashed by. Languages are being lost and countless of trades skills too. Society competes hard against your efforts in parenting. The media also exploits minors and feeds them their agenda to shape the culture for the ultimate benefit of the investors and the sponsors. They may boast equality with talking points, but it’ll always come back to the dollar bill. Consequently the youth now behold artificial power that clashes at home and with encounters of authority, but ironically supported 100% by the law. A parent is forbidden to even restrain their child from being destructive, harmful to themselves or a physical threat to other siblings. We have to be creative and strategic in our approach, not because we’re weak but because we have to be more stable than what the outer environment attracts them to.

I’ve watched enough COP’s to know lecturing is the only law abiding way to discipline a child.

KEEP YOUR COOL:

Well, as parents we’ll all lose our cool at least once, but digress immediately from that behavior.  Here are some phenomenal methods that will keep the kids “Tweens” hands away from your buttons. Avoid starting an argument with your child. If a conversation somehow develops into one, change gears because nobody wins in this race. Don’t insist that one conversation will fix it all. That’s another thing, the youth today don’t like when adults try to fix, so scrap that word. Let them storm off to their room if they feel the need. Don’t follow them to finish your point, you’ll only interrupt the process for them to ponder over the situation. People eventually get tired of being mad at themselves and will naturally correct for improvement or calm down to discuss respectfully with you. However if you argue your words will lose attention and the child will redirect blame on you instead of recognizing the need to self improve. Remember people are content with evening the score to internally validate their actions. If the child can’t successfully shift the blame they will settle for misery loves company and aimlessly eager to get you mad just like them. No matter their strategy just don’t feed into your child using the opportunity to convince themselves the fault is everyone else’s but theirs. In most cases the child doesn’t understand their situation and or afraid to disclose the truth. Sadly so protective of the truth that they will ignorantly take on just about any punishment from you to quickly distract from the issue. The child may even escalate disrespectful behavior (manufacture drama) to prompt a punishment just to avoid the whole problem of reviling or confronting the truth, thus leaving it unresolved out of fear of making things worse. Ironically the parents are usually equipped to help the children far easier than the kids realize. In a Tweens world they believe their problems are bigger than anyone can understand, but the reality is they themselves don’t understand.

I always encourage my children to look at the bright side and remind them that what they survived then makes them stronger now. To prove that point as young adults today, I ask them could they easily resolve a problem from their early adolescence that seemed to be impossible at the time? Just like when they reach my age, difficulties of the present will be just a memory. So growth is ongoing and becoming your better self is only a day away. 

TEEN STUFF:

• Get a Job = Parents Get Ready to Chauffeur
• Learn to Drive = The Safety of Passengers and Pedestrians Must be Emphasized
• Tattoo’s and Body Piercings = Encourage Knowledge of What Your Intent to Represent
• Drugs and Alcohol = Inform the Effects, Dangers and Age Responsibility of Use
• Dating and Sexual Activity = Define Relationship and Consequences of Sex
• Political Views = Agree to Disagree
• Higher Education = Walk Your Teen Through the College Application Process
• Handle Your Business = Communicate the Importance of Paying Taxes, Bills and Credit Use

Eat breakfast and get to school on time, but some Teens act like they don't need breakfast.

I guess getting dressed must be fulfilling enough???

The autonomous vehicle might have once been admired as a technological marvel, but consequently the nearing debut is scheduled right on time to save America from distracted operators. Today the skill of driving has diminished and less teenagers desire to partake in the privilege to get behind the wheel.

Parents please exercise your best driving habits around Teens : )

THE RELATIONSHIP SHIFT:

Now that both of my children attend universities I remind them that Freedom is not free, you must earn your freedom by fulfilling your obligations and being responsible. If you steal freedom before due diligence the opportunities to be truly free will erode and diminish from existence. When you earn your freedom you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but when you take freedom you eventually lose everything. Life is a pile on depending which route your choose. Your cup may runneth over or all your feathers get plucked.

 

 

Today, parenting with my wife is on a whole new level. Nowadays we can plan ahead together, negotiate travel itineraries and leave space for incidentals. We seek each others thoughts and when necessary agree to disagree. Love has always been a constant, they have our trust and equal respect too. It’s a real pleasure to be around these fine young adults. My wife and I look forward to the next experiences parenthood brings and to once again graduate with them.

 

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

Exercise forgiveness often, meet loved ones where they are and live by example. What ever your most difficult moments raising your children might be, in retrospective it will seem only like a season in time. Invest all the resources you can muster into their needs today so you and your spouse can move into the West Wing of their future Mansion. HA Ha!!!  (((Just Kidding)))

-No Seriously ; )

PS… Look below to find my previous Blog post:

Lincoln Love: A True Story Experienced

Food Love: Learned Experimented

Music Love: Listened Enjoyed